Aishwarya, you are a former Miss World, you have even been called the most beautiful woman on earth. Since winning the Miss World title in 1994, your star has climbed even higher as one of Bollywood’s hottest talents. Last week in Toronto, you premiered Guru, your latest film. And it has recently been announced that you are engaged to Abhishek Bachchan. Congratulations.

You recently faced some negative publicity when a lawyer in India (Shailendra Dwivedi) filed an obscenity charge against you and co-star Hrithik Roshan, for a kiss you exchanged in Dhoom2. Mr. Dwivedi wrote in his petition to the courts “Dhoom2 lowered the dignity of Indian women and gave an obscene message to India’s youth.”

As you face these disturbing charges at home, you must wish to turn your attention instead to planning your wedding and to happier subjects. It cannot please you now, at a time when your propriety and honor as an Indian woman have been called into question, to see your image profaned upon the web. Your name is a popular search term these days, but so are searches like Aishwarya Rai topless, Aishwarya Rai boobs, Aishwarya Rai tits, Aishwarya Rai sex, Aishwarya Rai naked and Aishwarya Rai porn.

It goes without saying that the images we find of you are all faked. But tell us how it feels to be so exposed?

“First I want to say thanks very much your good wedding wish. Abhishek and I are very happy. We are blessed that our engagement announcement has coincided with the release of the latest box office numbers for Guru… and I can tell you they are very good. To answer your question, I feel very proud to represent the women of India. We have a tradition of modesty in India, which I respect very much, both on and off the screen. However, it is also true that the world is changing. The prospects for the Indian economy have never looked better. Our people are well-trained, talented and eager to participate in the global marketplace. As an actress and a representative of India’s entertainment industry, I want to do everything in my power to bring our Bollywood productions the attention they deserve. If that means accepting that the Web is going to be filled with photochops of my face on the naked bodies of other women, so be it. Neither will I be intimidated by the likes of Mr. Dwivedi, who represents in India what his type represent in all the nations of the world… fear.

Danica, 2 part question for you. Clearly Bob is in a really good mood… he’s dropping his prices, there’s talk of celebration and of relationships becoming more “official”. What the hell is going on with you two over there? The second question is are you gonna be in the GoDaddy Super Bowl ads next month? Any chance of seeing you and Candice Michelle naked in a hot tub together? I guess that’s 3 questions, lol

“Bob Parsons and I are inseparable! When I wake up in the morning, it seems there’s always one or more of his books on my nightstand, lol. But seriously, I’m really excited about the coming year and my role in GoDaddy’s marketing plans. As for what those plans are, I can’t let any cats out of the bag just yet. But you can be sure it will be memorable. As for me and Candice Michelle, I’ll ask her and get back to you.”

Britney, Camille Paglia just called you a “backstreet floozie“. Any response?

“I’m a 25-year old dropout mother of 2 from the friggin’ Bayou, who is currently leading the whole planet around by its nose with my vagina. If you can’t see the delicious, pro-feminist irony in that, you’re just out of touch. I got a billion uniques today, bitch! WTF did you do?”

Congratulations, Michael. How’s it feel to have a hate crime named after you?

“Aw, thanks, man… I’m besides myself…oh, jeeez… everybody dreams about this sort of thing happening to them, but you never, ever imagine… [sniffles]… I’m humbled, yeah…. that’s what I am, humbled. Bon voyage, ‘Going Kramer‘, Godspeed and welcome to the American lexicon!”

Britney, you must be bored senseless by all this sex tape bullshit by now. So no more questions about the sex you’ve had in the past, lol. Lemme ask you instead about the sex of the present and future. So, who’s doin’ ya, babe?

“I’m very pleased to report that none other than Mr. Jason Trawick has been curling my toes for the last 2 months. OMFG, did I really say that! ”

Source: britneydoesit.com
Image Source: Britney Spears Gallery

Scarlett, there’s an audio tape on the Interweb supposed to be you giving some lucky fella a hummer. Any truth to that, and if so, who’s the guy?

“Giggle. Sure, suuuuuuuuuuuuuuure it’s true. I talked it over with my agent, and we decided it was a good time for me to get in on the ’sex tape’ bandwagon, lol. An audio clip gives me all the plausible deniability I need and makes for a much faster download than some grainy video. The production values on this thing are superb. You can hear every little sound I make. It’s going to spread like a virus. Look for a Japanese version in a few days. The guy was — ummmm — Jared Leto, of course — “

LOL, Kevin… was it a good ride, man?

Dude, I knew it wasn’t gonna last forever, you feel me. If I was gonna break out and be a big rapper, I would have done it by now. Right? I was just trying to hit that biznatch as much as possible, eat caviar and sit by the pool as long as I could. Peace.

Keith, I’m no gauge of pop culture, but I never heard of you before last week. It seems you’ve inherited Tom Cruise’s ex wife, Nicole Kidman, and have checked yourself into rehab for being a drunk loser. I guess it’s the combination of these 2 facts that’s given you the critical mass for a modicum of fame. Fine. But why the hell have you publicly credited Tom Cruise with a role in your recovery?

“Hey man, I’m just a small cog in the Tom Cruise image management machinery. I started boning Nicole before they officially broke-up. Let’s just say I have some inside sauce on Tom that nobody in the TC organization ever wants you to hear about. L. Ron would leap up out of his grave and run screaming on Hollywood Boulevard if this ever got out. Tipping my hat to Tom for “helping set me back onto the path of wellness” is a tiny concession for all the hush money I’ve been paid.”

Bridget, you’ve been hot in a lotta movies. But I think I can say without fear of contradiction that you have never been more absolutely fuckable than you were in Jackie Brown. We watched you squirm, giggle and take a bong hit… hoping all the while that Bobby and Samuel would straighten you out between them. And yet, for all that build-up, all we got was a pathetic quickie with Deniro against the formica counter. Yawn. Was there a happier ending later that night… maybe with some lines of coke on the coffee table and some midgets cavorting and whatnot?

“LOL! Such is the genius of Quentin Tarantino that he engineered the scene to produce exactly that effect. We even discussed it, he and I. It’s kinda like a thing he does for the female actors he works with. He takes a look at where you are in your career… are you peaking in popularity? Have you already peaked? What other movies have you been in and has the audience ever seen you fuck? All very important considerations for an actress in Hollywood. In my case, we decided to tease, tease, tease… and leave them wanting for more. After Jackie Brown, my asking price tripled… can you believe it! The fans can suck my toes.”

Heya Elin, the math looks pretty simple from where we’re standing. Anything you care to add?

“Ummmm… nope.”

“I loved being a mom, but as any mom can tell you, you stay home with a two-year-old 24/7, you get mush brain… Liam and I talk about it and he’s really okay with it… He always says ‘Well you’re a mom, but you’re an actress too…

Words of wisdom from a five year old?

Liam, you’re quite the chatterbox. It looks you are well on your way to becoming one of the most refreshingly honest voices to come out of Hollywood Kindergarten in decades. What can you tell us about your parents, their marriage, your mother’s exhaustingly reported struggles with bulimia and the role you and your dad have played in rescuing her?

“My mom rocks. She caught a lot of shit for her weight before I was born. But I tell ya, even at 88 pounds, I’d rather have Calista Flockhart with me in a dark alley than just about anybody… and that’s not because she’s my mom. It’s because she’s ninja-tough with a monster friggin’ heart. And if me and Dad look like we did the rescuing, it’s just because we have both grown strong on her amazing ‘milk’. Hollywood is a cesspool filled with diamonds, by the way.”

Kate, your love scene in Titanic with Leonardo DiCaprio was simply unbelievable. And by that I mean it was impossible to believe you and Leo as a couple, or as lovers under even the most extraordinary of circumstances. Having spent some time with DiCaprio in close quarters, what can you tell us about him and his sexuality?

“You know, I really do enjoy answering snide, suggestive comments about Leo’s sexuality. I could go on about what a wonderful actor he is, or that he has more depth of character, integrity and gravitas than almost anyone I’ve ever met, of any age. But it satisfies me the most just to tell you that Leonardo DiCaprio is hung like a rhinoceros… a fact to which I can attest for having the most intimate personal experience with his equipment. Yes, he and I balled like bunnies, on the set of Titanic, on Jim Cameron’s pool table, in the washroom at Spago’s, and a thousand other marvelously naughty places… and we still do, whenever we’re anywhere near the same part of the world. Idiot.”

Melita, you were only 18 years old when you scandalized the tiny village in Italy where you were born by posing nude for a calendar. From there you’ve gone on to be in TV commercials, have enjoyed lucrative spokesmodel gigs and have been a weather girl for one of the top Italian TV stations. What advice would you give young American hotties considering a career in nude modeling?

“I would say do it, but work with only professionals. There are a lot of really sleazy guys who will tell you everything and promise you the world, but only want to sleep with you. My first so-called “modeling job” was actually a… how do you say… pellicola del sesso. They were very sneaky about the whole thing, too. They asked me to take off all my clothes and go onto a bed. Before I knew what was happening another girl was trying to kiss me down there and I ran away with no clothes on. Good thing my friend Maurizio was waiting outside with a bicycle and we rode away. It was quite a spettacolo.”

Brooke, America divides on the question “Would you hit Brooke Hogan?” Some say you look too much like your dad. To my eyes, you’re as ripe a piece of guava as ever fell from tree to palm. What’s your take on these strange affairs?

“America divides..? I think not! They all want me. The dorks want me. The jocks want me. The dykes want me. The regular women want me. Why? Be-CAUSE I look like my dad. Booyah! He’s a sexy man beast, and the fiery occupant of his loin cloth is coveted by all. Tin-HUT!”

Madonna, you’ve been using religious imagery and symbolism in your work from the very beginning. Is this any different? Have you crossed a line here that you hadn’t crossed before?

“I really don’t think so. Times change, people change, perceptions change… I can see some people being sensitive to depictions of Christ. But they need to understand that I am not suggesting that I am Jesus. Jesus, whether you believe in him and that whole story or not, was supposed to have died for the sins of Christians, right? Maybe, the sins of non-Christians, also… hmmm. When I go up there and crucify myself and put on that crown of thorns, it’s not about me, it’s about the fact that we are all like Jesus… suffering our lot, whatever that may be. I think I’m being very respectful and pious. Yet, that despicable antisemite Mel Gibson can throw a blood bath up on the screen and that’s okay for kids to see… You feel me.”

Jessica, you had terrible acne once. You’ve told America your story of hopelessness and despair, and it seems you’ve really struck a chord. Recent polls indicate you have a higher popularity among American women in the “Roseanne” demographic than any other starlet in your hotness category. How do you account for this?

“It makes me blush to answer that, ’cause I do not wanna come across as snotty in any way… But, you know I think it has to do with the fact that I show my pain. I really have pain, don’t misunderstand. What I am talking about is that little hint of ‘I just composed myself from crying’ thing they do for me with makeup. That’s fucking priceless.”

You seem pretty affectionate with that cock — err — chicken. Could this be the start of something big for Channing Tatum, and should the ladies all go home and eat Ben & Jerry’s?

“I’m just a method actor preparing for an upcoming cock-fight scene in a John Waters epic to be shot in Mexico”

Jeri, did anyone ever tell you that you remind them of one of those kinetic glass-and-colored-liquid bird sculptures from the seventies that bobbed up and and down all day and night?

No.

Natalie, does Mister Lucas remind you of a kindly Rabbi with too many books on the shelf?

“LOL — no, George falls asleep with a book in his lap. No shelves in the house at all.”

Reid was paid an undisclosed sum by Playboy for posing nude, so we can all — errr — pretend we’re seeing Paris Hilton naked (whom we have already seen do hardcore porn.) Boy, this is really hard to get excited about. Well, good for Natalie Reid… wherever in the magazine Playboy saw fit to stuff her, I’ll bet they paid Reid more than her usual $2,000 lookalike appearance fee. A little more.

Ms. Reid, will you be following in the footsteps of your famous lookalike, and be using this Playboy spread as a launching pad to a career in television?

“I’m just looking to pick up a Taco Bell endorsement deal”

Mel, if Jesus died for your sins why are you still such an asshole?

“$%!#$^!%^#$%$!@#$%#$%@~#$~@… Kike!”

What’s been your most rewading film role so far, Ms. Judd?

“I especially appreciate it when a performance allows me to be someone else and really break free of the taboos that normally keep me in check. So, I guess I loved playing that drug fiend slut, Marilyn Monroe, the most.”

ashley judd

Zuleyka Rivera Mendoza of Puerto Rico shared a nervous emotional hug with first runner-up, Kurara Chibana of Japan moments before the winner was announced, then clasped her hands to her mouth in amazement as she heard her name called. She beamed as the crown was placed on her head… @

Miss Rivera, your recent Miss Universe victory has made you an inspiration to young women all over the world. What advice would you give the young Miss Universe hopeful?

“Be a good girl, but give lots of handjobs.”

Zuleyka Rivera Mendoza | Zuleyka | Zuleyka Rivera Video

Shakira, you’ve made a career out of gyrating your hips and warbling like a bad Cher impersonator. What’s next?

“I want to meet Jane Goodall and lose 2 inches from my big toe.”

Morena, if you could travel through the Stargate to any other planet at any other time, what kind of alien world would you like to visit and why?

“Even though SG-1 was just a TV series, I really feel like I have been to a lot of cool planets and met a lot of cool aliens. My favorite would have to be the Ralph’s on La Cienaga. For the watermelons!”

More Pictures from the Christina Aguilera GQ Spread:

Christina Aguilera Nude - Christina Aguilera Nude

Angelina, where does your incredible gravitas come from?

“I had to watch my dad be a simpering pussy in all the movies he did when I was a kid. One word: “Deliverance.” He didn’t start getting any masculine roles until I was in my twenties.”

In a statement, The American College of Radiology applauded the California Assembly for passing AB2360, the “Tom Cruise law,” which would prohibit the sale of diagnostic ultrasound equipment to anyone but appropriately licensed health care providers, but urges the California Senate to include the prohibition of sale to fetal keepsake studios (facilities which provide sonogram videos to parents for entertainment only) in the legislation. “Tom Cruise Law” Actor Tom Cruise commented publicly that he bought ultrasound equipment and performed exams on his fiance Katie Holmes, who recently gave birth to the couple’s first child… @

Yo, Tom… you’re doing a great job with all this “No, I’m really a heterosexual. See!” type stuff. But occasionally, we’ll hear about a little something, like this ultrasound thing, that a straight guy would never in a million years do. Be more careful, dog. Ask a buddy what he thinks before you go public next time, mmmkay.”

“Word, up. Thanks, dog.”

tom cruise law - tom cruise

Johnny, you know we love you no matter what, right?

“Yeah, I feel that, and to be honest with you… I’m not really sure. I mean, who ever said anybody had to choose a label. I think having 4 choices is as limiting as having 2 choices… gay man, straight woman, gay woman, straight man… these are just illusory categories. I think human sexuality is really a continuum, and not these 4 neat, easy ‘teams’… just my 2 cents, man”

What’s the weirdest thing that ever popped into your mind while masturbating? Orgasming? Don’t lie, we all get surprised sometimes by the bizarre shit that we think of at the wrong time.. more

johhny depp | frankly, i think johnny depp might be gay

Okay, Anna… how much and what kinds of sex did you have to give the old geezer? Much props, by the way to a smart business lady.

“Oh, hey… thanks. That means a lot coming from you. To be honest, it wasn’t really all that much sex at all. When we met, all he wanted to do was feel my boobs all the time, so I let him. After that, there were just a handful of non-penetrative acts, and I let him kiss — just kiss — my coochie all of once. We never actually did it, lol.

Anna Nicole Smith - pregnancy

Hey Denise, you ever do blow with Charlie?

“Oh hell yah. I love coke. Charlie does lines in the crack of my ass.”

denise richards - denise richards

Although alternate-reality gaming (ARG) has often been used by marketers to introduce new products (such as the much-heralded “I Love Bees�? launch for Halo 2), ABC emphasizes that “The Lost Experience�? was created by the show’s writers, including the highly talented Damon Lindelof, not by soulless marketers, and is therefore designed to enhance viewers’ relationship with the show rather than to shill product… @

First, let’s get to what will surely be Eli Cash’s “You Must Suspend Disbelief�? moment: James Heller sending his car hurtling headlong into the black, Pacificy goodness. There are so many things that could have gone wrong with a stunt like that, it’s not even funny. Yes, Sydney Bristow survived a similar stunt on “Alias years ago, but she was driving her car off a pier six feet off the ground and landed on her wheels, as opposed to flying off a gigantic mountainside and landing on her roof. And yet, despite the laundry list of things that could have gone wrong, I’m convinced that Heller is alive, for more reasons than you think… @

Hey, Kiefer… congrats, by the way on having one of the more successful “My father is…” careers in Hollywood. By that I mean I think you’ve done a terrific job carving out both an identity for yourself as an artist and a body of work that’s completely clear of the fact that Donald Sutherland is your dad. Tell us, why do you think it is that the public has embraced your bad boy roles as much as your traditional protagonists?”

“Hey man, thanks for saying that… Well, the trick, I think, to keeping the public in love with you… or at least to preventing them from disliking you… as a celebrity… And I think this holds true for all kinds of celebs, not just actors… is going places they would like to, but can’t. Everybody has a desire to be a hero, to feel themselves at the summit of popularity, to be loved by all, to be the guy who came through in a crisis. But we all fantasize, also, about indulging darker impulses. When I do that for the public in some of my darker performances, I always make sure we can all respect each other in the morning… if ya catch my drift.”

Ms. Shimizu, you’ve described lesbian sex with Angelina Jolie as “a drug“. Can you possibly be more specific?

(Ms. Shimizu declined to answer.)

This is a post-Fordist organized crime movie, in which the scores are undertaken by crews, not Families, in an LA of polished chrome and interchangable designer kitchens, of featureless freeways and late-night diners, a no-place that is very far from being a utopia. All the local colour, the cuisine aromas, the cultural idiolects which the obvious comparison pieces, the Coppola and Scorsese gangster flicks of the seventies*, depended upon, have been leeched out, painted over, re-fitted and re-modelled. You could be anywhere … It is a world without landmarks. Ours: a branded Sprawl, where markable territory has been replaced by endlessly repeating vistas of replicating franchises. The ghosts of Old Europe that stalked Scorsese and Coppola’s streets have been exorcised, buried with the ancient beefs, bad blood and burning vendettas somewhere beneath the multinational coffee shops… @

Mr. Deniro, I read somewhere that you and Martin Scorsese grew up together on Kenmare street in New York City. Did you relationship as children on the streets of the Lower East Side bear any resemblance to the creative relationship you enjoy as adults?

“Funny you ask that. Yes, it did. Marty was a very intense little kid… a real brooder. He had schemes. Sometimes he would come to me with a scheme, or we would hatch schemes together. Just like now.”

Not that there’s anything wrong with it, but Philip Seymour Hoffman, who won the Best Actor Oscar for his portrayal of gay novelist Truman Capote, has been spotted by our spies checking out a townhouse on Gay Street in the Village.

The vintage four-level Federal home, with a $4.8 million price tag, has four bedrooms, 31/2 baths, a living room with 17-foot ceilings and four “massive fireplaces,” so says the listing on The Corcoran Group Web site.

The house is presently configured as two duplex apartments, both of which can be delivered vacant… @

Philip, what’s it like to be a smart, talented, extremely successful guy with a slight weight problem?

“I wish I could tell you it didn’t matter. I’m supposed to be an artist, right… which is funny, because art is supposed to be about depth, but it’s also a surface phenomenon. So, I’m conflicted, and all my friends are conflicted, too. I’ll be like with this totally hot chick making out, and it will creep into it, I can tell. She’ll be thinking to herself ‘C’mon you idiot… this is Philip Seymour Hoffman…’ And, then I’ll be thinking ‘Man, this SUX.’ So, yeah.”

Catapulted to stardom after finishing third in the second season of “Dancing with the Stars,” Stacy Keibler has signed a talent holding deal with the Touchstone television studio, the Hollywood Reporter revealed Wednesday.

Keibler, who already has a strong wrestling fan following as one of the most popular World Wrestling Entertainment female stars, will either star in a pilot or join the cast of one of Touchstone’s existing series as part of the new deal… @

Stacy, we’ve never met before now, so forgive what I don’t know about you and your background. On the surface, you seem a spunky girl with lotsa attitude and a fantastic ass who scored a gig on the fame train and is riding it as far as she can. What am I missing?

“Thanks for the compliment! Nope, that’s pretty much the whole story.”

Jayne, what do you think of your daughter’s film career? Any particular performances you’re proud of?

“Courtney Dunn on thirtysomething, 1,000%.”

Ms. Deneuve, you are without a doubt one of the great beauties of all cinema. What can you tell us about the sixties and what is like being a sex object back then.

“Beauty for me is, how do you say… only a métaphore. It is not reality. In the same way, the sixties were not reality. People wanted to believe in something, anything. Some people believed beauty was the highest. I was not one of them. But I enjoyed the company of those of that religion.”

Brigitte, you seem to have become a victim of your own timeliness. For a while there, you were an icon… the quintessential embodiment of an ideal. Does it piss you off that times changed so swiftly and swept you from the collective consciousness so quickly?

“I won’t pretend it didn’t sting. It did. It was easy enough to dismiss the attention of the American Audience, when I lost it, because Americans were believed to be fickle and unrefined in any event. But when the attitudes I represented ceased to connect with young people anywhere, I knew that my fame was doomed. C’est la vie, lol.”

bardot | gallerie

Natalie, do you feel icky?

“I feel like a veal cutlet.”

WALLPAPER

Jessica, according to a recent poll, you are one of the top 5 former TV stars American men most want to see do porn. Why do you think that might be?

“LOL. Short answer: cuz I’m a skank hoe… lolol. America watched me grow up as Mary Camden, smalltown preacher’s daughter on 7th Heaven. For more than 10 years you watched me skirt personal disasters of all sorts. For more than 10 years, you watched a dumb, hot chick with no street smarts dance near the edge. What my so-called ‘fans’ really wanted was to see me become the town crack whore. Unfortunately, the 7th Heaven story line didn’t leave much room for really bad things to happen to any of us. Sorry to disappoint you. However, because I am so much smarter than any of you imagine, I am going to keep teasing you with the possibility that you might one day get to see me stuffed with cock. I’m going to keep making stupid little movies, and giving you a peek of my nipples for $1 million a pop. In 5 years, I’ll be set for the rest of my life, and you’ll still be a loser.”

Colin, Colin… quite simply, is it you, Colin? And if so, why man, why? Why did you let a camcorder on in the room?

“LOL. Maybe it’s me, maybe it’s not me. I’m an actor. I love cameras!”

christina ricci | christina ricci

stern and jenna | naughty jenna | amazing jenna