Congratulations, Michael. How’s it feel to have a hate crime named after you?
“Aw, thanks, man… I’m besides myself…oh, jeeez… everybody dreams about this sort of thing happening to them, but you never, ever imagine… [sniffles]… I’m humbled, yeah…. that’s what I am, humbled. Bon voyage, ‘Going Kramer‘, Godspeed and welcome to the American lexicon!”
Keith, I’m no gauge of pop culture, but I never heard of you before last week. It seems you’ve inherited Tom Cruise’s ex wife, Nicole Kidman, and have checked yourself into rehab for being a drunk loser. I guess it’s the combination of these 2 facts that’s given you the critical mass for a modicum of fame. Fine. But why the hell have you publicly credited Tom Cruise with a role in your recovery?
“Hey man, I’m just a small cog in the Tom Cruise image management machinery. I started boning Nicole before they officially broke-up. Let’s just say I have some inside sauce on Tom that nobody in the TC organization ever wants you to hear about. L. Ron would leap up out of his grave and run screaming on Hollywood Boulevard if this ever got out. Tipping my hat to Tom for “helping set me back onto the path of wellness” is a tiny concession for all the hush money I’ve been paid.”
